Nothing new to report

All I want to say really is that tomorrow I'm off to Idaho for the first time. I have been there once before, to Preston, ID to see a friend's farewell before he went on his mission and it was so close to the border of Utah that we drove there on Sunday, went to church, ate lunch and drove back to Utah in less than a 16 hour period. Doesn't count. This time I'm flying to Rexburg, ID and I'll be there all weekend and I'll finally get to see my best friend. Who I haven't seen in over 6 months. Not that big a deal you say? Well it is. This is the girl that I lived with for two and a half years. It's a big deal and I'm STOKED!

An Overdue Tribute

So just now as I was reading my scriptures and studying I was just overcome with the Spirit of Gratitude. I thought of all my family and friends and realized how blessed I am to have such great people in my life and I had to say a prayer of thanks to God for all of them. And then I just really wanted to share why I thought each of them were so great. My first thought was to write them a letter, but then I remember that I'm a blogger now and I wanted to share it with everyone I know who will listen.

My family is a unique blend of individuals. We don't always get along and there have been times of struggle and times of grief and contention, but if you look at the family as a whole and not at just any one time, we are a family of support and forgiveness. There hasn't been any transgression that hasn't been forgiven or being worked on for forgiveness. There have been times that what would seem to cut you off forever has been forgotten and relations healed. When a sibling has strayed away from the rest, we speak of them in a loving way and maybe they don't know it, but they would be welcomed back with open arms.

I love my Dad. I'd like to think that his greatest frustration with his children is our stubborn indifference to what he tries to teach us. No matter the lesson, we've gone our way and disregarded his advice. We falter a lot and have learned the lessons he's taught us on our own and by our own mistakes. This isn't true in every case, but it's true for a lot of them. What I love about my dad is the determined manner in which he seeks to help us correct our wrongs. There isn't any amount of money or time that is too much when we need it. He is always there to help. Maybe he wants to still offer advice and maybe we don't want to hear it, but it's there and it's offered from a loving place that wants to see his children succeed in all they do. I can't imagine that there's anything I could do that would turn my father away from me. I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that he loves me and he loves all his children and grandchildren.

I love my Mother, Ricky. She has taught me so much throughout the years. She has taught me to be an independant woman. She loves me and is concerned for me. And she knows what I need even when I haven't told her. She seeks all that is good and harmonious in her life and tries to be full of good and positive energy. She is also someone who would do whatever she could for her children. She doesn't always get listened to either in the way she may want. But she is a powerful force to be reckoned with and has taught her children to have that same voice. There isn't one of us who is meek or afraid to share what we think and we get that from her.

I love my Mother, Laura. I know that she has so many regrets in her life. She's told me the other day that she is waiting for the day that I will vent to her all my frustrations of my childhood. I told her then and I'll say it again, I love her and I don't hold grudges. I believe that all our experiences are growing experiences and I've learned from my past, mostly, not to let it hold me back or be an excuse to fail or not achieve my potential. I love my mom because she wants to be better and she never gives up that sweet hope that none of us should ever give up.

I love my Sister, Tara. She is 11 years older than me and it probably took 13 or so years after our families joined together before we really became to understand each other. But she has been an example to me of striving to be righteous. She's overcome a lot and has stayed true to her faith and that has given me an added measure of strength. Something I think she may be unaware of. I think a lot of her life and have always looked up to her and admired her endurance in the gospel and her success in life. She has a beautiful home and family. She has also shown great support to me in my greatest times of trial.

I love my Sister, Janna. I worshiped her as a child and I adore her as an adult. She is fun loving and always up for a good time. She is one of my biggest cheerleaders and is someone that I can always talk to. She's usually the first in the family to hear my concerns or secrets or fears and she's there to be an ear and support and help me decide the next course of action. A great tribute to Janna are her children and their love and support of their mother.

I love my Brother, Jeremy. No matter the consequence, Jeremy has always been at my defense. Sometimes maybe too strongly, but he has an unfallable sense of family loyalty. It has seemed at times that it was forgotten, but I know that it's still there. He's my example of what it means to stand firmly by your family and defend them at all costs.

I love my Brother, Forrest. He is eleven years my junior, but sometimes seems so much wiser than me. He is so accepting of all people and has such a sweet spirit about him. He was one of the wildest little boys to ever have lived on this earth but as he's gotten older and into adulthood, he has seemed so peaceful and loving. So often I think of a day when he was still in junior high and he had a huge birthday party. One boy was off by himself and wouldn't join in with anyone else. I remember pointing the boy out to Forrest and his thoughtful nod. This was Forrest's day. He could have easily decided that he didn't want to be bothered with taking care of someone else, but instead, he walked over, sat next to that boy on the stone wall and talked with him. I watched him. He had given that boy his full attention. He wasn't distracted with what was going on around them and he didn't look eager to get back to the festivities. He spoke with him, found out the personal reasons that this particular day was bad for the boy, gave him words of encouragement and invited him to join in when he was ready. Which he did later. I remember being in awe of my brother that day as I watched this exchange and as he confided in me what had been spoken. I watched that boy join in and enjoy the rest of his time there and I know it was in response to the kindness of my brother. This kindness has never ceased and I love him dearly for it.

There are a few people, not in my immediate family, but who have been such strong support to me that it would be negligent to not mention them here.

First is my friend Myke. He has grown to be someone who I consider my cheerleader. He offered eager support to me when I told him of my decision to move to Arizona and later I would find out, he had recruited his friends to help welcome me to this state. And they have and it has made a move to a state where I knew less than 5 people so much the easier. He is also someone that I know will help and support me in whatever way that he can. I know because he has so many times already. He cheers on my pursuits and encourages me to do the things that I'm scared to do, like start a blog. I'm grateful for him and his friendship.

Second, and I saved them for last, are my friends Kayla and Ryan Lange. Kayla was my roommate for almost three years. She's had to endure me at my worst times and as my worst self. Ryan, as her fiance, got a taste of that as well. Regardless of that, these two know all my secrets. They literally know everything there is to know about me, good and bad. And to say that they are my strongest supporters is understating it. They have seen and heard all my thoughts and feelings about things past and present and my fears for the future and they have offered nothing less than strong, spriritual hope and support. This isn't to undermine any of the strong support that I've received from my family and from other friends, but I feel like sometimes people hide parts of themselves from others, even if it's just a little bit. I've hidden nothing from them and it hasn't made any difference.

If you didn't see your name on this list please do not be offended by it. I'm grateful each day for every single person who has shown me love and support and offered words of encouragement. I'm amazed at the quality of people who fill my life and there are so many who don't know that they are examples to me in one way or another. But the people above bear special mention because of their significant influence in my life.

This post would be a waste, however, if I failed to mention the one great support and source of strength to me beyond any other. I am so grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ and God, His Father. All the talents and strengths I have come from them. I've overcome great trials and temptations with their help and guidance. I have a powerful testimony of the truthfulness that they do exist. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude for the love that I feel from them and the patience they show me. It is UNDENIABLE to me. I'm grateful for the sacrifices of the early saints in the bringing forth of the Book of Mormon and the Restoration of Christ's church. That Joseph Smith and so many others sacrificed their lives is unfathomable to me but I know that their testimonies and work have brought the gospel into my life. And I'm forever grateful to them for it.

The person who I am today and the person that I will become is attributable especially to God and Christ but also to the people mentioned above and everyone else who has supported me over the years. I'm grateful and I wanted to say thank you and tell you all how much I love you.

Scar Essay- Prewriting

So I'm taking an english class and thought it would be fun to put up what I'm working on for my first paper here. Feel free to comment and make suggestions for changes. This first one is just the prewriting part. It's basically just general information on the scar and what I think about it. Not the actual paper. In case you can't figure it out, we were supposed to choose a scar, either physical, mental or emotional, and write about it.

"The scar I chose is a small horizontal line on the bridge of my nose. It is the result of only three stitches on the outside of my nose, but represents a time when I shattered the entire bone that made up that bridge. When I look at my nose in the mirror you can barely tell that it’s not right. But when I run my finger over the scar I can feel the bump in the bone that didn’t used to be there and I can feel a slight indentation from the scar, slight but still feeling immense under the pad of my finger. I got this particular scar from smashing my face on the roll bar of a Jeep Wrangler. I was off roading with some friends. It was summer in St. George, UT and we had just been at the lake and were returning home when we noticed a steep, small trail in the canyon. There were two friends in the front seats and three of us in the back seat. This was the best trail we had found all day and I remember right before we hit that hole in the ground we were laughing and smiling and looking at each other in excitement. As soon as we did hit that hole I was airborne and ironically, slamming into the roll bar is what put me back into my seat. Of all the stupid, careless, and foolish choices I had been making in my life around this time, I had chosen not to wear a seatbelt. Back in my seat, too stunned yet to react, everyone else was cheering and laughing. They hadn’t even noticed yet that there was something wrong. I’ll actually never forget the look on my friends face when he turned around to enjoy the moment with us and instead saw me and all the blood.

I hate this scar. I have a few others that come with interesting stories and humorous antecdotes. But this scar is the one that is a constant reminder of all the bad decisions I’ve made in my life. This scar happened when I was a careless and foolish 19 year old girl who didn’t know what it meant to be an adult until I would ultimately be stunned, yet again, by the consequence of an even greater and more careless choice. This scar reminds me of everything I don’t want to be again. It reminds me that there are consequences for not making correct decisions and for not protecting yourself. I associate this scar with the look on my friends face when he noticed me that first time and interestingly enough, it is the same face I imagine that my family and friends had when they heard of my later indiscretion. This scar fills me with regret because what could have been an exciting summer day in my history, barely remembered through the haze of all the other memories, is now a vivid reminder of my stupidity then and later to come."

Nervous Laughter Perfected

I've worked in some different customer service industries and have been placed in different uncomfortable situations. None, however, are as awkward to deal with as the drunken horny hotel guest.
If anyone actually knows me, like really knows me, you know, and often find humor, or horror, in the fact that I sometimes welcome customer conflict. Especially when the guest is clearly in the wrong. My favorite job so far has been the Covenants Administrator at a HOA in Colorado. Telling people that they're breaking the rules and being 100% right? I can't think of a better job!
My choice to work in a hotel actually came while working at a restaurant and serving, unbeknowest to me, the general manager of the hotel across the street. I got a job offer after the two minutes it took to take and deliver their drink orders. I made some sarcastic joke and she was hooked. I worked at the hotel first as a room service server and was quickly moved over to the front desk after they noticed my incredible work ethic and customer service skills. Maybe that sounds conceited but oh well, I can't help what's true. :)
I had zero idea though what kind of industry I was getting myself into when I moved over to that front desk. I was in for a surprise for just how little people traveling feel they should do for themselves. In my first week at the front desk a family entered the hotel all in swim gear and eager to get to their destination. They skipped up to the desk and asked me,
"Where exactly are the springs?"
"Um...Manitou Springs' drinking springs?"
"No, the hot springs."
"Uh...we don't have hot springs here."
"Isn't this Colorado Springs?"
"It is, but we don't have springs. The nearest are two hours away in Glenwood Springs."
The dad's next course of action was to question me as to why a city would have the name springs in it without having any actual springs. He was actually angry with me over this great travesty. As if I had something personally to do with naming this town founded several years before my grandparents were even a thought in my great-grandparents minds. My thinking was, how are you, a grown man going to bring your family to a strange town and not even research anything about it? The best part of this whole story is that this wasn't even a guest of my hotel. This man drove his family into a strange town, walked into a random hotel and asked a how to get somewhere that didn't exist. Good job dad.
I could go on and on about this sort of story but that's a whole different blog. The purpose of this post are the helpless guests who quickly turn into potential sexual offenders. I'd like to add a side note, that not once in Colorado did a guest proposition me. But in Arizona, people be needin some lovin!
The first hotel I worked at here was full of black men who kept inviting me to their room. I love when they give me their room number. I know where you are, I work here, but thanks. The last guy at that hotel went so far as to graphically describe what he had planned and included some well placed gestures. He was super drunk and I actually found myself worried that I may not be able to get rid of him. It was the first time I was actually concerned for my welfare. I mean first. I wasn't even scared of the death threats at the bank I used to work at, but this guy and his gyrations were a little uncomfortable. And on top of that, he's drunk, so there's a fine line sometimes between placating them and aggravating them, and where exactly is that line? I'm not good with fine lines. I usually barrel straight over them without realizing that they were there in the first place.
Last night was a good example of the line being crossed without my knowledge. We had a guest come to check in and immediately needed help with every little thing. We gave him directions to the local bar and he went on his way. When he returned hours later he was super hungry and all we have to offer at this hotel are M&M's that we have at the front desk. I gave him the number to a 24 hour pizza delivery service and he stood at the counter to make his order. Any guest who wants to conduct his business at the counter is a pain because they will inevitably be asking question after question. But whatever, not the point. He asked if I would like some pizza and I declined, explained that I had already eaten but thank you for the offer. When he got off the phone he was very persistent that he wanted to give me a slice. In the middle of the debate came the, what time do you get off, inquiry. At this point my antenna had finally gone up but I was completely thrown off guard. I'm not trying to sound racist but the extent of my experience with flirtatious guests had been limited to black men only. I don't know what it is that I'm doing that they like, but they like it, and they like it even more to tell me they like it. This guy though was white. And the initial offer of food is not uncommon. All different size, shape, sex and race of guest like to bring me food. But the persistant offer is not very common and the when are you free question is even more uncommon. I finally agreed to a slice just to end the conversation and get rid of him.  Here's where I thought the line had been crossed. After agreeing to pizza he said that I would need to come up to his room to get it. Crap. What do I say now? It's in my very nature to joke around with guests and I've just realized joking isn't going to work here. I agreed and just figured when the pizza came I would tell him I was unable to leave the desk but thank you and good night. When he got up to his room he called down and said, don't bother sending up the pizza guy, when it comes, you deliver it to me. My next instinctive question was, "Why?" It just came out. "Because I want you to", was his answer. Okay...
See, what I've learned about myself is that of all the times I've welcomed and successfully traveled through confrontation in customer situations, I immediately shut down when it comes to the drunken and hidden proposition. He hasn't directly offered anything inappropriate, but I know of many situations where a hotel employee has delivered something to a guest room and the guest is naked or half naked. I've encountered the half naked variety often. And I know that he won't be waiting at the door with the slice in hand, he's gonna want me to come in and get it. Literally and figuratively. Not interested. Wanting to get off the phone with as little conversation as possible, I just said that I would try to bring up the pizza. I immediately went to the other night auditor and explained what had just happened. He had only been out for the first 30 seconds of this interaction and immediately told me that this is what happens when you joke around. Uh, no it's not. I joke with everyone, drunk and sober. This is new and uncomfortable and I'm completely weak when trying to avoid this potentially scary event. At the least he's just going to give me pizza, at the worst I'm in a seriously bad situation. And I've mentioned before that I'm a glass half empty person so I prepare for the worst. It did take a few more phone calls to convince him I wasn't going to be delivering the pizza, all phone calls initiated by him BTW. And the night went by without incident. But I'd like to know how I can keep this from happening again.  Suggestions are appreciated if there are even any to be given.

The Zombie Obsession

I've been fascinated lately with this new zombie fascination. It seems like it's been in the works for quite some time. There are a ton of zombie movies to choose from. Video games, books (anyone heard of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies?), TV shows(Walking Dead...anyone? anyone?). What I love most is that now companies are putting zombies into their commercials. I love the Starburst's sarcastic, cynical, bus riding zombie(a little bit of trivia for you in case you didn't already know, that zombie is Zach Woods, otherwise known as Gabe, from the Office). Honda Civic has jumped onto the zombie bandwagon. There are zombie flash mobs. It's just the funniest universal obsession I've seen in awhile.

However, the kicker for me though, is that the CDC, Centers for Disease Control & Prevention have released a zombie apocalypse emergency preparedness plan. It's a cover for preparing you for actual emergencies with the pretense of a zombie invasion. But how great is it that an organization outside of the entertainment and advertising industry has reached out to a zombie loving focus group!?

Zombies. I mean, come on. I'd love to know how realistic a zombie apocalypse actually is because as much as I'm starting to see them in the media, I'm really starting to believe that I may just run into one one day.

Here's the link to the CDC's blog. It includes a little history about zombies.

thoughts on me as a friend...

So I had a phone conversation yesterday afternoon with an old friend who moved away from Colorado years before I did. We made brief reference to our friendship when we were both living in the same city and he described friendship with me in one perfect word...Intense. It kept repeating itself in my head throughout the day and I realized that there is no better way to describe friendship with me. And I mean, heartfelt, share deepest secrets with one another friendship, not just mere acquaintances. I took a look back over the relationships I've had with dating or just great friends and sometimes I'm embarrassed to admit, even to myself, the actions I've taken and the things I've said. I am an intense friend. I was thinking back on one friend I have who, when she was caught in a lie that she had told me, explained that I have high expectations for my friends and it's hard to live up to that. I've always thought about that. So with that in the back of my head, and this new comment of having an intense friendship, I wonder, what does it take to be a good friend? I think overall I'm a good friend. I have good intentions. I care about my friends and what happens to them, but the intense part and the high expectation part is that I seem to be overly involved in the things that happen to them. And this only applies to great friends. I can watch a pretty good friend make a similar life choice and be worried, but I don't feel as upset about it as I would a great friend. I can see a pretty good friend have a major triumph and I'm happy for them, but a great friend, I'm full of pride that they call me friend and that I know them.

It's been said on more than one occasion that you can always tell what I'm thinking by my face. It shows everything. Happy, sad, mad, annoyed, incredulous. And I know from experience that if a thought enters into my head I can't not say it. I may hold it in for a while but it finds it's way out eventually. So I wonder if these great friends of mine feel this way about me because I don't hide any emotion or thought from them. Other people may see things on my face, but eventually, they leave so they don't get to hear thoughts on their actions always. I don't really know the answer. I don't know the reason. I wish I did. I want to be a better friend, not so alienating at times. I know that despite my shortcomings, I have qualities that keep these friends around. Because they are still around. And they are still great friends.

Sometimes I get to wondering about how much of myself do I want to change in the name of being a better friend? I feel like I've reined myself in a bit. But when I look back on it I wonder if I've reined it in or if I'm just avoiding the problem altogether. I'm in a new town with new people and I'm not always confident that my loud and boisterous personality is going to go over very well. I think it takes a little time to get to know me and to love the me that I am. But usually I'm surrounded by good friends who are easy to like and balance me out a little. So new people keep coming back. But here, in this town, I'm the visitor in homes and as soon as I felt that intensity and overbearingness, I found myself pulling away from new friends. If I can't figure out a way to rein it in in the present, maybe it's best to not be present. But that's obviously not the answer either. I need to be confident in the person that I am. Confident in the friend that, while loud and boisterous and "intense" and full of expectations, is still a good, caring, accepting friend.

And literally, for the first time ever, I finally see all of the good things my friends have been telling me over and over again that I have and that keep them coming back.

Adult baby? Really?

Okay...wait a minute...(long sigh)...what?! I just want to go on record and say that my willingness to play with legos from time to time does not mean I want to sleep in a crib or have someone feed me from a bottle..or, wait, crap, maybe it does. And if you want to know what I'm talking about just follow the link below. Which, as far as I know, doesn't actually have anything to do with the picture above, that picture just really illustrates what I picture adult babies to look like.

http://bodyodd.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/05/04/6584344-an-infantalist-meet-stanley-the-adult-baby?gt1=43001