Okay. I'm sorry. I definitely became a Facebook monster and in an effort to rein in my multiple status updates each day I decided to take a break for a week, not just for myself, but everyone else too. So imagine my surprise at all the things you can accomplish when you're not wasting time updating Facebook. I couldn't possibly list all the things I was able to do because they're so vast, so I'm limiting this blog to just the top ten most important things accomplished in the last week.
1. Taught myself how to play the piano with my toes.
2. Mastered all of Paula Deen's recipes from her Lady & Sons cookbooks and now feed my friends good old fashioned southern food every night.
3. Figured out how to repair all my car ailments myself, sold it, and made a new car from scratch after buying car parts with the money from my old car.
4. Finally conquered my roommate's bastard elliptical machine and stayed on for 3 straight hours.
5. Started and finished reading the Bible and the Book of Mormon in one night.
6. Began writing a column for the New York Times that educates Americans on how to be self sufficient when traveling so that no more time is wasted answering stupid questions like, "Even though the building says Hilton I was wondering if you were also the Courtyard Marriott?" It's titled, "Don't Be That Guy Because Someone is Bound To Blog About You."
7. Became a certified sky diving instructor even though my extreme fear of falling prevents me from ever actually jumping out of a plane myself. (those who can't do, teach.)
8. Successfully campaigned to have all copies of the new Footloose movie burned and Dennis Quaid hog tied for participating in such a travesty.
9. Solved the cat overpopulation problem in America by shipping all extra cats to starving third world countries. Originally I was trying to provide all the starving children with comfort and companionship. Ironically I just wound up curing world hunger.
10. Finally learned how to do a cartwheel.
It's just amazing how much you can do when you aren't distracting yourself by updating facebook every hour.
