Things I've learned living in Arizona...

So in barely over 3 weeks I'll officially have lived in Arizona for one year. I was just chatting with a hotel guest about my move here. This man moved from California to France and has been there for 10 years and he moved for work. I moved from Colorado to Arizona for no good reason and I told him I'd be scared to move to another country and he said it was braver to do what I did. I'm not sure I agree with that but I like to think I'm a brave soul. This has nothing to do with my post, I just want you all to know that someone called me brave. (I'm not known for my courage I don't think.)

The point of this is that I started to reflect on my time here and what I've learned and there haven't been many lessons, but still, my year here has to count for something.

1. Sunsets and sunrises are exceptional here. I heard in some song once about painted Arizona and it's true, sometimes I look at the sky and it's colors and it really looks like a painting. I love it and that alone could keep me here forever.

2. It wasn't nearly as unbearably hot as I was led to believe. Don't get me wrong, it was friggin hot, but I survived it even without AC in my car and have no plans to leave before next summer.

3. I actually do like watching The Biggest Loser. I've started a ritual with my roommate Chelsea and I really didn't want to watch the show at first, I'm not sure she knows that, but I was home and nothing else was going on. And I did really start enjoying it. Even more I like spending time with my roommate and the last couple of months we've had my friend Carrie staying with us and while she sleeps during most of the 2 hour episodes, it's fun when she ventures out and tries to figure out all the things that took place in the episode the previous hour and a half.

4. I miss my family. When I lived in Colorado Springs I lived in the same town as my parents and most of my siblings. And just ask them about it and they'll love to tell you how I was never around. I really spent most of my time with friends and often would leave family gatherings early to meet up with friends. I didn't think it would be that big a deal to move away from them and if anything, the guilt about not going over, more specifically the never ending conversations about how I never come over, would end. Imagine my surprise when I realized that I really missed at least the option of seeing my family more. We recently just had a not ideal experience and I hated not being there and not being able to offer my support or do anything but sit at home and wait for news.

5. I learned how to love the hospitality industry again. I was really burnt out before moving to Arizona and never wanted to work at a hotel again. Since I've been a night auditor I've really been able to find my love for customer service again and I appreciate that so much.

6. I've learned how to be happy. I figured out how to overcome my insecurities and let things go quicker than I used to. It's been such a weight off my shoulders and I enjoy life and people more.

7. I've learned that floating down a river on a tube for 4 hours is one of the best things in this world ever...as long as you have an appropriate amount of sunscreen.

8. I've learned that the news can be as equally horrifying (beheadings, woman being beat up on their driveways) as it is weirdly mundane (a news report on a vacant house with dressers left on the driveway).

I'm sure there are other things, but life really is pretty much the same here as it was in Colorado. I still work at a hotel. I still go to church every Sunday. I still hang out with friends. And I still have a roommate who does ridiculous things, although I haven't asked her to get into a sterlite box and let me take pictures, that was just for me and Kayla.

But it's warmer here and even though most things are similar, I've found a lot more inner happiness and I'm pleased with my decision to move. Thanks for being so great Arizona.

Things you can accomplish when not on Facebook...

Okay. I'm sorry. I definitely became a Facebook monster and in an effort to rein in my multiple status updates each day I decided to take a break for a week, not just for myself, but everyone else too. So imagine my surprise at all the things you can accomplish when you're not wasting time updating Facebook. I couldn't possibly list all the things I was able to do because they're so vast, so I'm limiting this blog to just the top ten most important things accomplished in the last week.

1. Taught myself how to play the piano with my toes.
2. Mastered all of Paula Deen's recipes from her Lady & Sons cookbooks and now feed my friends good old fashioned southern food every night.
3. Figured out how to repair all my car ailments myself, sold it, and made a new car from scratch after buying car parts with the money from my old car.
4. Finally conquered my roommate's bastard elliptical machine and stayed on for 3 straight hours.
5. Started and finished reading the Bible and the Book of Mormon in one night.
6. Began writing a column for the New York Times that educates Americans on how to be self sufficient when traveling so that no more time is wasted answering stupid questions like, "Even though the building says Hilton I was wondering if you were also the Courtyard Marriott?" It's titled, "Don't Be That Guy Because Someone is Bound To Blog About You."
7. Became a certified sky diving instructor even though my extreme fear of falling prevents me from ever actually jumping out of a plane myself. (those who can't do, teach.)
8. Successfully campaigned to have all copies of the new Footloose movie burned and Dennis Quaid hog tied for participating in such a travesty.
9. Solved the cat overpopulation problem in America by shipping all extra cats to starving third world countries. Originally I was trying to provide all the starving children with comfort and companionship. Ironically I just wound up curing world hunger.
10. Finally learned how to do a cartwheel.

It's just amazing how much you can do when you aren't distracting yourself by updating facebook every hour.

How is it possible that I'm actually in my 30's?

Okay. This is ridicuous. I'm 32. I do not feel 32. I don't look 32. Most importantly, I DO NOT ACT 32. I believe that for someone to be in their 30's they need a whole new level of maturity. I'm not sure what that level is because I definitely haven't reached it yet. I see other 30somethings out there in the media or walking around and I think, "Is that how I'm supposed to look and act?" I really have been trying to ignore my age desperately. And so what I'd like to do here is list the things I do and say that prove that I'm not really in my 30's. Something happened and something went wrong, but I'm definitely not a 30something.

• I still say, and encourage, "That's what she said" jokes.
• I prank people by sticking little signs all over their yard.
• I pout.
• I enjoy grape soda.
• I dance to Britney Spears' older albums.
• I participate in nerf gun battles with my friends.
• I still think it would be a great idea to dress up like zombies, fill a dummy with cherry pie, take it to a park and eat it and make it look like we're eating a human being. (Thanks Casey Fish)
• I'm frustrated that I can't search for Easter Eggs anymore and now have to be "Santa's Helper."
• I'm FURIOUS that I can't trick or treat anymore.
• I laugh when I see someone trip and almost fall.
• Sometimes when I'm driving away from somewhere I pretend my car is a racecar during the first rev off the curb.
• I want someone to take care of me when I'm sick.
• When I'm in the pool I'll dip my head in and pull it out so I can do that flippy thing with my hair that girls do to make it look like one big curl across my head.
• I regret never learning how to do a cartwheel.
• I think it's funny to scare my roommate when she comes out of the bathroom.
• I really want to reinstate Pee Wee Herman's word of the day where you pick a word and anytime someone says it everyone SCREAMS!!

I think that's enough for now. I firmly believe that mature and reponsible 30somethings wouldn't do all these things and if life can't be lived to the fullest absurdities than I want no part of it!

I knew dumpster diving was for the good of humanity!

So during the wee hours of my work shift I came across this article about a man who dumpster dives to save his family money.

I knew dumpster diving was for the good of humanity!

I like how he wanted to be anonymous not because he was ashamed but because he didn't want people invading on his turf. This whole article took me back to my days of dumpster diving.

It all started the summer that I was 19, just about to turn 20. I was living in St. George, UT in a ghetto apartment above a Christian Thrift Store. One morning WAY too early for an easy living college student off for the summer I was awoken by voices and other various noises. I looked out my window and there below me was an entire hispanic family in the dumpster belonging to the Thrift store. Dad, Mom, and three kids. Literally all in the dumpster. I was mostly just more annoyed than curious as to why they would all be in there scrounging around. The next weekend I was again awoken to more sounds. I looked out the window and sure enough, people in the dumpster, one guy inside handing stuff out to a woman who would inspect it and decide to keep it or trash it. This became a regular thing and I was fascinated. Every weekend I would watch in the mornings as more and more people showed up to take discarded treasures that the store decided they couldn't or wouldn't sell. Eventually my roommate and I decided to venture down after hours. We pulled out an extremely old stationary bike and various clothes and were having fashion show inside the dumpster. This of course is the part in the story where the guy I had a serious crush on rode by on his bike to visit and I'm standing inside the dumpster, wearing various items that previously belonged to who knows who and was appropriately humiliated. That was my last venture into that particular dumpster but we did snake a lot of items that were left on the curb at night.

Fast forward several years, and I'm now living as a more responsible adult with a new roommate. I came home from a meeting at church one Sunday and just happened to walk past the dumpster and outside next to it was a glorious and big green oriental chest. I wanted it. I had to have it. I ran into the apartment telling Kayla, "You have to come look at this!" I was unsure how she'd react, some people have quite an aversion to other people's trash and Kayla and I hadn't been living together very long yet. To my delight she was just as thrilled as I was and we started to take it inside. That is a whole different story that I won't bore you with but let me just say, our desire to have this chest was very strong, so strong we called in reinforcements because we were unable to lift it and we waited quite awhile for him to show up.

Later Kayla and I started taking walks around the apartment complex parking lot and I don't really know what we found next or in what order, but it became a regular thing for us. We found a variety of items; a camoflauge hat, toaster oven(brand new with plastic and instructions included), a driver side car seat with lumbar support, a mirror, a chair, an awesome carved wood jewelry box, a color printer, a mini air hockey table with all pieces included, and other things. For Christmas that year a good friend even gave us pink plastic gloves and official Dumpster Diver ID badges!

The moral of my story is that it is a really good and fun way to save. And turns out, a great bonding activity with a new roommate!

May I have this dance?

So I had to replace the battery in my car and I suspect that it blew the fuse to my radio because now my radio won't work. So I've been forced to listen to my ipod while driving and it's been awhile since I've done it. I was pleasantly surprised with some of my favorite dancing songs and it made for a great ride home this morning. I decided I was going to blog about dancing but that changed to sharing some music videos with you of the songs I listened to on my way home today.

Charlotte Gainsbourg with Beck- Heaven Can Wait

I recently discovered this song and I'm just gonna admit right away that this one isn't on my ipod and if you're offended you can just stop reading.

Foster the People- Pumped Up Kicks

I heard this song for the first time here in Arizona on my way to a friends house. It was really starting to get warm and my car windows were down (because I don't have AC in my car) and this really started off my summer good. It wasn't until about 20 minutes ago that I found out the song is about a school shooting and it makes the song super eerie. But I like it and call me evil, but I still can't help but dance.

Miley Cyrus- Party in the U.S.A

I can't tell you how this specific video strengthened some of my best friendships!

OKAY, I JUST FIGURED OUT HOW TO LINK A VIDEO INSTEAD OF JUST A LINK BUT I'VE SERIOUSLY BEEN WORKING ON THIS FOR 3 HOURS SO I'M NOT GOING BACK, ONLY FORWARD.

Chromeo- Night by Night:

If I could pay to dance with this man I really really would.

Vampire Weekend- Giving Up the Gun: What can I say, I'm a sucker for a good beat and good cameos.

Passion Pit- Little Secrets:

When I went to my trusted Wikipedia to look up this song it was said that it was performed by an American Wonky Pop group. What the heck is Wonky Pop?!? I love the word wonky and I’m not saying anything else about the matter.

Scissor Sisters- I Don't Feel Like Dancin':

I was introduced to the Scissor Sisters from a review in People magazine. I don’t remember how it was that they described the music, but it was enough to make me look into the group and I instantly loved it. This is one of my favorite songs to dance to and I do really love the obvious irony of it.

Sam Sparro- Black & Gold:

I didn’t know until after I already loved this song that it was about God. And the song instantly became that much more dear to me.

they wouldn't let me give you the good Sam Sparro video by using the video link option so click on this

Brandon Flowers- Was it Something I Said:

I don’t know much background about this song but I just know that I really love it and I really love Brandon Flowers. And I don’t care if he’s not the best Mormon in the world, I love that he is and that he claims it. And I love that he's out of tune in this video and admits it.

What is the big woop with social media?

So I've always been a little behind when it comes to technology and the social media. I have a pride complex called, Refusetobeafolloweritis. Once I hear about something that everyone is doing and I just HAVE to do it, I'm immediately repulsed. This is true with most things, not just technology. For instance, I still don't get why Inception is the best movie ever. It sure did have cool stuff and effects in it, but I really was not impressed. And I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I saw it after everyone was lauding it with praise.

I also have never had to have all the latest fashions and such. Not my style. Not really in my budget either, but I've just never understood spending a ridiculous amount on one shirt just to have the label. It took me a long time to get into the music scene and I felt a lot of pressure for awhile to like certain types of music. I had a conversation once with a cousin of mine who is a fabulous musician and after telling him the type of music I liked he said, "Oh you like Top 40 stuff." I'm not sure if it was meant to be a put down, but I felt the superiority in his voice. It took several more years for me to finally admit, HECK YES I like Top 40. I like all kinds of music and am proud of it.

So it isn't a surprise to me that I'm not as tech savvy as I used to be. I hold dear to my memories of the 80's and would really appreciate it if we could go back to that decade and with every new technology or social media, we get further and further away from a time that I love dearly. Guess what? I still own VHS movies. For some of you, I mean, I own videocassette movies. They're the 8 tracks of the MP3's we now are starting to own. If you don't know what an 8 track is, ask someone else because you'll just make me want to slap you.

Some of you will be surprised to hear that I used to be major anti texting on the cell phone. I couldn't figure it out. I thought it was more of a hassle than anything. If you wanted to text me a meeting time and/or location, fine. If it turned into a conversation I would call you or just stop responding. I'm not sure when this changed, but I am now queen of the text. I rarely call anyone and am frustrated with people who refuse to add this important feature onto their phone. When I was living in Colorado I would send out mass texts to invite people over to parties at my home or to church related activities. What a great way to communicate details with people at one time! And more than one person has told me that after getting into a regular text relationship with me they've had to change their text plan to include unlimited texting. You're welcome!

What does any of this have to do with social media? I'm getting there. No one is forcing you to read this. Be patient. Anywho. I started out with MySpace. It was already a big deal by the time I ventured onto it. I had zero intention of joining but I was bored and just wanted to see what the big deal was. While looking around I found a guy that I had a crush on in high school and his profile listed him as gay. I was shocked and intrigued and wanted to know more. But in order to communicate I had to join so join I did. It was fun at first and it actually helped broaden my musical horizons. Facebook came second. Some friends at work mentioned that they had pictures on there and I really wanted to see them. Again, I had to join first. So join I did. It was boring compared to MySpace. No profile personalizing and such. Very simple. I later deleted my myspace because I was tired of skanky ads and girls showing up all over the place and facebook was getting more interesting. Now I am addicted in the worst way to facebook. I'm a shameless friend stalker. By that I mean, I look at all your stuff. I enjoy seeing others interactions with each other and funny antecdotes and all the good stuff that comes with it. I check facebook multiple times in a day and I'm not ashamed of it at all.

In the middle of all the MySpace and Facebook came Twitter. Oh twitter. I've resisted you for so long. I've ventured onto in only to be instantly turned off. I've never understood the point of it. It's like an endless status update. I really grew to hate it when people started being able to simutaneously update twitter and facebook. I mean, while I enjoy a lot of people's lives, I really don't care if you're going to the grocery store or if you're clipping your toenails or if you just had the most satisfying toilet episode of your life. And I definitely don't need an update on you every 5 minutes. It seemed excessive and pointless to me. (Also, I get that this may seem hypocritical because I update facebook pretty often, but I like to pretend that the things I say or more interesting than just the mundane happenings of my life.)

So all this is the history of my social media life. Not including this blog that I just started. I just recently returned from a trip to Colorado where my dad was speaking to me about my blog and how much he loves it and we spoke a lot about social media. He asked questions and gave me tips and finally he asked me about twitter and I explained that I just hadn't yet seen the point. Not interested was my message. Fast forward about one week and my good friend Myke Lewis Olsen sent me a text.

"You ever think about joining twitter? I think you might like it, it's kinda like sending a mass text."

I joined in the next 5 minutes. So what I've learned about myself is that, there needs to be something in it for me. A purpose for me. We'll see how much I like twitter and if I can really get into it or not. But I'm excited to finally have that cute little bird on the home screen of my phone.

Why I believe that Winnie the Pooh is a bad influence on children...

I've had a theory that I like to sometimes share with people and I think given that this cartoon has a movie out, it's a good time to blog about my theory.

Winnie the Pooh teaches children about bad qualities to develop. Let me illustrate...

Winnie the Pooh himself: This bear teaches about gluttony and obsession. He continuosly gets his head stuck inside his jar of honey. He overindulges in it can often be found amoung many empty jars after binging on his "drug" of choice. This is supposed to be adorable? It isn't. As a child I remember being sometimes irritated at his stupidity.

Piglet: For real, this little creature is terrified of everything and constantly has people running to protect him. Yes, let's teach our children about insecurites and being afraid of every little shadow. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and blame my own fears on my unfortunate viewings of this children's show and Piglet's less than exemplary example.

Tigger: There are almost no words. This bouncy tiger was just plain obnoxious. Always in everyone's way. Bouncing around and creating havoc. I'm pretty sure he was on crack and/or speed. (Are those the same things?) Loud, hyper, and problematic. Mooching off the generosity of Kanga and Roo. He's the friend everyone has but tries to avoid at the same time.

Rabbit: I'm not gonna lie, I have no idea if the rabbit has a name or not. This creature was judgemental and rude and alienating. Even went so far as to barricade himself in his own home. Selfish and unwilling to share.

Owl: Also not sure on a name. I do remember that this owl was self righteous and pretended to be smarter than everyone else. Supposedly he could read but if anyone looked over his shoulder to read along you'd find that he couldn't in fact read. What a poser.

Kanga: The "mom" of the group. Fine, I have nothing bad to say about her. Except that she was a Tigger enabler.

Roo: So there was actually a study done on what kind of "person" Roo would grow up to become and it was found that he would be quite dysfunctional, especially since he had Tigger as his role model. So basically Roo was a follower and even went along with a scheme of Rabbit's to pretend that he had been kidnapped. What a little jerk.

Eeyore: I saved this guy for last. Really? This donkey was always losing his tail and resorted to self mutilation to keep it on. And that even failed. A depressed and self-loathing individual and constantly seeking words of affirmation from his friends. What a drain.

Then there's Christopher Robin. I don't remember enough about this character to really say anything so I'll talk instead about his namesake. Named after an actual little boy who grew up to be a real douche. Here is a quote he gave which makes me just wanna slap him around some, "It seemed to me almost that my father had got where he was by climbing on my infant shoulders, that he had filched from me my good name and left me nothing but empty fame".  That father gave you that name of yours and it has gone down in history (no matter how erroneously I believe it to be) as a favorite of children everywhere. I'm not sure where he gets off on saying his dad climbed on his infant shoulders. All you gave was your name, I mean, all your dad did was use the name he gave you. If that doesn't convince you that the real Christopher Robin is a bit of a douche maybe this will help. I got this from Wikipedia: "One of the poems, Vespers – which describes young Christoper Robin saying his evening prayers – was said by Christopher Milne as 'the one work that has brought me over the years more toe-curling, fist-clenching, lip-biting embarrassment than any other.'" Here is the said offensive poem:

Little Boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Droops on the little hands little gold head.
Hush! Hush! Whisper who dares!
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

God bless Mummy. I know that's right.
Wasn't it fun in the bath to-night?
The cold's so cold, and the hot's so hot.
Oh! God bless Daddy - I quite forgot.

If I open my fingers a little bit more,
I can see Nanny's dressing-gown on the door.
It's a beautiful blue, but it hasn't a hood.
Oh! God bless Nanny and make her good.

Mine has a hood, and I lie in bed,
And pull the hood right over my head,
And I shut my eyes, and I curl up small,
And nobody knows that I'm there at all.

Oh! Thank you, God, for a lovely day.
And what was the other I had to say?
I said "Bless Daddy," so what can it be?
Oh! Now I remember it. God bless Me.

Little Boy kneels at the foot of the bed,
Droops on the little hands little gold head.
Hush! Hush! Whisper who dares!
Christopher Robin is saying his prayers.

I can think of a lot more embarrassing things than my father writing a sweet poem. Maybe I can see a little bit of embarrasment but, toe-curling, fist-clenching, lip-biting embarrassment? Maybe I'll blog about the things I've done and said that I would describe as that embarrassing, but not here.

Here's a picture of Mr. Christopher Robin Milne and his horrible and abusive father

                                                              

Anyway, I'm sure no one is convinced. And I'm sure that some of you will say to yourself, "Brianne, you yourself have some of the bad qualities you described." Sure I do, as do some of you. And I will forever attribute these obviously learned behaviors to a seemingly innocent cartoon. 

Thanks a whole lot Winnie the Pooh and Friends too.